dah suka suka jugakk..

hmmm...



susahnye suke kat orang..
sebab kita tak tau die suke kita ke tak..kwn2 yg ala2 bijak,sume kate:
''cakap jela kat die,trus terang,kan bagus,''
mereka cakap senang laa..mereka tu lelaki..haishh..ni klau mintak pendapat insider,mesti insider angkat jari telunjuk sambil nyanyi lagu amy whinehouse 'no..no..no.'  =.='''
Sape kate aku tak teringin nak cakap? duhh.. always been a dream,never came true..(yet??)
nak cakap,ishh,bukan takat malu je,takot,nervous,gugup,parkinson,alzhimer(time nak ckap je lupe) sume kuar..
takut? knape kau takut farah qhairunnisa? kan alter ego ko faraqero ade..! tapi,ak nak berdepan dgn die sbgi seorang farah qhairunnisa,aku tanak alter ego aku muncul,thus,aku bukan aku..aku nak mengadap muke die sbgi aku,no fake2 gestures,no 'perfect looking' imposter..just me,being just the way i am..
Bila kita suke orang tu,tiap2 mlm around 1 am kita pikir:
 ''ishh.. die skang ni mase aku tgh busy pikir psal die,die pikir pasal sape ye..hmm''..
-tak cukup baring atas katil tgh2 mlm buta,trus tukar position yakni duduk-
''die suke sape yek?''
 ''die suke ke aku nih?''
 ''suke tu macam mane ye?"
''ntah2 die suke yg biasa2 je kott.''  tapi...
huh! ni yg cek x brapa sukaa nii..pekataan tapi tu sgt laa x bes taw...kadang2 kita gune ayat tu sbb kita x brape pasti,aku takut, tapi aku ni just sbb aku nak menyedap kan hati yg empty nih.. parah2..
sambung blik..
''tapi..die macam oke jee..tapi..''
 kat sini je dah timbul dua tapi..ni yg x syok nih.. -.-'''
adakah susah mengungkap kata 'saya suka awak' ? atau 'saya sayang awak' ..pada boya2 atau minah2 luar sane yg snang mengungkap ayat nih,korang x tepikir ke,adakah manusia a.k.a. boyfren or girlfren korang yg korang lafaz kata 'cinta' tu adalah benar2 manusia yg korang nak die dgr? korang x de ke rasa cam ''owh,maybe i wanna say dis words to sumone who deserve me better? and maybe 'org' tu adalah org yg korang blom pernah jumpa.. let say..soulmate..yeah..lets put it to dat,shall we..
and then..hadir problem laen yg aku x brape nak gemar sgt..what if he rejects me..maybe not violently (i noe him) but for me,rejection is harsh..no matter how it was put.. >.<
nak cakap...mestilaa nak..
kalau lpas aku cakap,die senyum and duhh..accept me..perghh..pengsan bgun blik,
tapi kalau lpas ak ckap,die diam dgn muka yg ''duhh,asal budak nih,aku suka kawan ngan die je laa adeii''  mmg habes laa..lpas ni msti na ckp pon da jadi extremely awkward en..
sbb tu laa..aku rasa..
maybe i shud just shut up..dok diam2 (like insider once told me) and just maybe wait..and x payah mengade2 nak tau ape die rasa,pikir,atau buat.. sbb ntah2 skang ni dye busy kott..(busy yg ...busy..) -.-'''
x payah nak tau sape dlam hati die,xyah nak tau dkat sape die bukak pintu hati die.. eventhough my heart yells for answers..yeah,eventhough i want him soo much..eventhough i need him so bad...so bad it hurts.. sbb atleast tak kan wujud awkward dlm relationship kami..
and aku rase,maybe org2 kat luar sane,or maybe insider,akan kata
''apehal la pompuan ni emo laa pulokk dye..''
 tapi,ini just ape yg aku rasa..x paham..,x yah paham..paham..,hmm..paham laa..
maybe ade pulak org yg akan pikir
 ''huh,ape barang budak tuu..in his own world..'' 
macam mana klau aku kata aku pon slame ni idop dlam dnia aku..adakah org akn pecaya? xde sape trima aku,takde sape pandang ak,baek ak dok dlm dnia ak yg tentu2 tade sape akn kritik or kcau..
and,what if..what if aku cakap,
maybe hes in his own world..maybe he never listen to me,maybe he never even bother about me..but
aku bangga sbb aku suka dia..not just suka suka..
haaa...korang2 mana suka die..soo..aku ni bleh dikata spesel sbb aku suka kat die..x ke baguihh pikir camtu qheron..sah2 laa jiwa ko semakin x btol..haishh..ni sume shiro punye psal..but..guess what..i dun even mind..
sbb every minute that i thought of him,regardless of him remembering me, aku tak kesah,sbb aku tau,aku suka die..
and yeah,one more thing,bila dah suka tuu,and dah dapat,why not,treat it like its soo damn delicate that could break easily and hold it tight like its slimy and slippery and could fall outta ur guard at any moment..
shes my bff..ofcourse its my business.. like..duhh... ! XD