im goin nuts

pretty good for sumone not-soo-normal like me..,


some people made it look simple,some just act nonchalant bout it,some said it was 'the one',and some tried to think bout the possible outcome of it..and as for me,i did what i did best: act oblivious to the fact that i am soo not oblivious but cant do anything accept be oblivious..you people dont even get me rite..? i know,i know...

for the past few days,life is..well,it sucks,but not as suck as the days before..and the suckiness seemed to be decreased by the sweet appearance of my muahmuah bell,the fallen emo angel,and ofcourse,miss nitemare..
i dunno wth they did,but heck,theyre good at makin me feel just slightly better..

this past 3 days,im able to go to bed without crying my freakin eyes out..im able to dream without even having a glimpse of his face,but unfortunately..,something happened..i dunno this feeling,but i felt quite uneasy,i fidget a lot,and my mom is freakin out coz she saw me smiling alone..and the worst part was,i didnt even realize..wat was exactly happening to me? am i alright? darn it,but atleast i didnt waste any of my tears..(for the past 3 freakin confusing days)..

maybe im fine,maybe im goin yide-le-hi-huu.or maybe,haha..actually,when i think bout this,this is actually who i am.. all messed-up,very extremely clumsy,and all wrong..yeah,this is me..patiently solving stuff and being very organised is soo not me..not to mentioned stay calmed when some nobody entered ur life..,
so,thats why im all freakin out,super concious and nervous bout stupid stuff..and i dont even know the real reason behind all this 'freakin out' things that's been goin on for the past 3 days..

i figured out it may be better if i just shut the hell up and endure the 'mess' and just let everything flow smoothly..i got a feeling that most probably muahmuah bell,miss nitemare n the fallen emo angel would agree with me on this.but as i said,the hint of pandamonium,havoc and rebellion still lingers in my soul..so,atleast im trying right..? right?

urghh..

i hate this feeling..nauseous and excited bout nothing in particular..im serious..i know i crap a lot today but duhh,it has nothing to do with anything.. you can trust me..yeah,you can..! haishh..

i desperately need another distraction..hahaha..a non-breathing distraction..yup,dat will be just perfect..

p/s: if the days before the past 3 days i ate chewing gum (the chewing gum method for ''cry-non-stop'' syndrom) to forget it, the past 3 days, i ate chocolate! (may be a method for ''smile-non-stop'' syndrom)
haishhh..its hard being me..let alone me being me..wth..